Transforming Excuses: The Power of 'And' Over 'But’
Last week I went to visit my parents in Idaho and my nephew lives with him. He is 17 and just about to finish his junior year of high school. I sat down with him to chit-chat about his life and all that was going on and as we talked about school, friends, girls, and more I started to pick up on a reoccurring theme. Excuses. He would say, “I want to get a summer job, but…” or “I want to go to college, but…”. It even showed up as we were talking about what to eat!
As an outsider to his situation, I saw the excuses and I saw how they were going to sabotage his future success and it got me thinking. What if we change our ‘buts’ to ‘and’ and see how it impacts our future success?
When I think about the excuses I hear working with clients, the most common ones I hear are:
❌ Excuse: I want to do something different BUT I don’t know what to do
✔️Change it up: I want to do something different AND I am open to exploring the possibilities
Rather than putting yourself in this negative, victim mentality, changing it up to being open to exploring will make this prospect exciting and new!
❌Excuse: I want a new job BUT I’m scared it won’t be what I want
✔️Change it up: I want a new job AND while it will be scary, I will take time to prepare and make sure it’s right.
Let’s be real, change is scary. But change is way scarier when you don’t have a plan. Taking time to understand your motivations for the change and to map out a plan will make this process feel a little safer.
❌Excuse: I am actively trying to get a new job BUT no one is giving me a chance
✔️Change it up: I am actively trying to get a new job AND I need to find new and different ways to showcase my value so employers can’t wait to hire me.
Employers don’t give chances. They hire strategically to fill a need or solve a problem. If you are actively trying to get a new job but not getting any bites, it’s time to take a step back and look at what you are doing. There is a good chance that the employer is not seeing your awesome value and you need to change your messaging.
My conversation with my nephew served as a powerful reminder of how our language shapes our mindset and, ultimately, our outcomes. By swapping our ‘buts’ for ‘ands,’ we shift from a place of limitation and excuse to one of possibility and action. This simple yet profound change can transform how we approach our goals, challenges, and opportunities.
The same principle applies beyond personal conversations to professional settings. When we alter our narrative from “I want to, but…” to “I want to, and…”, we open doors to new ways of thinking and acting. We move from a passive stance to an active one, taking control of our journey instead of being hindered by fear or uncertainty.
So next time you find yourself making an excuse, try rephrasing it. Embrace the power of ‘and’ to foster a more proactive, empowered outlook. Whether it's in seeking a new job, exploring new possibilities, or any other aspect of life, this mindset shift can pave the way for greater success and fulfillment. Remember, the language we use can either build bridges or barriers – choose to build bridges.